From Fear to Love of Money
Have you ever felt frustrated by money—like no matter what you do, there’s never enough?
What if I told you that your money story is shaping your financial reality?
Today, we’re diving into how to shift from fearing money to truly loving and attracting it.
Looking back, I can see that money has always flowed to me—but that’s not how it felt for most of my life.
Instead, I always felt like there was never enough.
I was raised by frugal parents and still live frugally now. I don’t drive a flashy car or live in a flashy home (though I do have the most swoon worthy ocean and forest view). I don’t wear designer clothes, I don’t fly first class, I don’t stay in 5 star hotels.
But I could.
Despite the money in my bank accounts, my investment accounts and my mortgage free house, I still feel like there’s never enough.
Our Money Stories
I value financial security. I like knowing that if I couldn’t work ever again, I’d be ok.
And this means, I think carefully about purchases and have to constantly remind myself that I’m safe and money loves me.
And I’m not telling you this because I think this is the best way to live. Far from it.
I’m telling you this because we all have a money story. A set of beliefs around money that make us behave in certain ways.
Maybe, like me, you worry that there’s never enough and you're never satisfied with what you have .
Maybe:
You have a love/hate relationship with money
You judge wealthy people and feel envious
You impulsively spend, even when you can’t afford it
You worry that you can’t help people and make money
You live on the feast or famine rollercoaster
You pay everyone else before yourself
We often aren’t taught about managing money and I’m not going to speak about that in this episode. Managing money and building wealth are topics for another time.
How to get started with creating your Money Story
Today, I’m sharing some tips on how you can start deliberately creating your ideal money story, instead of playing out the one you currently have on autopilot that is sabotaging your dreams.
So that not only will money start flowing to you more easily, it will want to stick around.
Back to my story for a minute. I sold my first business in 2018 for more money than I’d ever seen.
(if you’ve noticed that I still don’t feel comfortable sharing actual numbers, trust me, I know that’s something I need to work on – it all feeds back into my underlying belief that there’s never enough and that I’m unworthy – yes, there is work for me to do here.)
I freaked out about the money to be honest, and instead of celebrating it and enjoying it, I invested it. Now yes, that was a Smart move, certainly better than spending it all at once, but the vibe was fear based.
I didn’t celebrate the sale of my business that I’d worked so hard for and totally deserved, because I was so exhausted, that I didn’t feel like a success. And as a result, I didn’t reward myself. Instead, I worried.
I worried that I would never be able to make that amount of money again
I worried about what my next move would be
I just worried, worried, worried.
I was fearful of the money I’d made and fearful of never being able to make money again.
So, what finally shifted my mindset?
I started exploring ideas around money mindset and manifestation—concepts I used to dismiss as total bollocks.
Still married to the idea that success only comes from hard work.
And then confused because hard work led to exhaustion and that didn’t feel like success despite my overflowing bank account.
Crikey, if I’d known about the coaching industry at this point in my life, I could have hired a coach, talked this through and cut this downward spiral off at the kneecaps.
But I didn’t.
Eventually, after hearing about manifesting and money mindset enough times from business mentors I looked up to, I decided to give it a try because what I was doing and the way I was conditioned to think about money wasn’t working and wasn’t doing me any favours.
I was open to believing there was an easier way to make money.
And it starts with the law of attraction, brought to us by Abraham hicks.
The law of attraction states “That which is like unto itself is drawn”
Money is energy and when your vibration is in alignment with money, it will flow.
Which means that you can’t fear money and expect it to show up.
You can’t want money, but then worry about it not coming, and then expect it to show up.
Imagine that money is a friend.
And you say to that friend “You’re invited to my party, but I’m afraid you won’t show up, and if you do show up you won’t bring me a gift and then I’m gonna resent you for that”
And then when your money friend doesn’t show up to the party, you hurl insults at them for being such a crappy friend.
If you were money, Would you show up for you? I wouldn’t.
Stop blaming others
I know there are a lot of people hurting out there right now. In Wellington, New Zealand at the time of this recording, there are approx. 6000 people who recently lost their jobs due to the switch in government. And that’s just where I live. All over NZ, businesses are closing for myriad reasons, and people are really struggling. We do have benefits available which is great but it’s not enough to thrive on.
This place reeks of fear.
But I don’t buy into worrying about economic downturns, because I have proof to the contrary. I built my first business during a world wide recession in a city where I didn’t even know anyone.
So instead of blaming others, work on your thoughts and your feelings.
What could you be thinking, feeling, or doing right now to put yourself in the flow of money.
Could you be working on your energy, your vibration, learning new skills, honing your marketing and messaging, focusing on your health and well-being, adding more joy into your day, connecting with others, volunteering your time so that you feel satisfied at the end of the day. Whatever you can do to stop wallowing and to start feeling better, do it.
Look for evidence that things can go well, even if they’re not going well for you at this moment.
Choose love over fear
No matter where you live, or what’s in your bank account, I want to offer a simple exercise that you can start doing right away.
If you want money, you have to love money. Even when it’s not showing up in droves.
You have to think good thoughts and allow those to generate good feelings about money.
Appreciate what you have, feel good, appreciate it some more and then thank it for showing up.
Do whatever you can to start feeling good, not just about money but about everything good in your life. Feel grateful for what you have and that appreciation and gratitude will bring more abundance to you.
Shift your focus from fear to love.
It’s not one and done.
When you start noticing your fearful thoughts about money, you’ll notice that they show up multiple times a day and each time, your job is to reach for a thought that makes you feel better.
As I said in my episode named Using your Emotions to get what you want, even reaching for a feeling of relief is enough to start turning your ship around and steering it in the direction you want to go, towards more money and abundance.
Which is great news because it’s really hard to jump straight from fear to love. Ease your way into it by finding a slightly better thought, and then another thought that makes you feel even better and so on.
Despite your current reality, you’re a thought and feeling away from loving money and therefore allowing it to flow to you with more ease.
And from that state of love and gratitude, think about some actions you could take that could generate more money.
Try not to compartmentalize money.
If it comes in an unexpected way, appreciate it just as much as you would if it had come in an expected way.
For example, maybe you took a specific action which resulted in a sale. The money came in an expected way.
But maybe you took a specific action and it didn’t result in a sale, but instead, you got an unexpected tax refund, or a discount on something you expected to pay full price for.
However money come, however much it is, appreciate it.
Another tip is to make it easy for money to flow by being focused.
I realized that I haven’t always made it easy for money to come to me.
I have taken a very windy, unique path and have repeatedly chosen the more difficult one of entrepreneurship.
What I’ve realized is, that no matter which business I build, I make money when I’m focused on that business. When all my efforts are focused on the same outcome.
But, where things get tricky, is when I’m building a new business.
Because there’s a lag where I’m spending money getting it off the ground and not making enough to call it more than an expensive hobby.
And instead of recognizing that my pivot has caused confusion for the universe who is like ‘wait what’s she up to now?’ and instead of having full trust and belief that what I’m creating will be successful,
I fall into fear about the lack of money.
“what if no one wants what I’m creating”, “what if no one buys what I’m selling”
And this fear of lack of money, causes so much resistance that my vibration attracts more lack of money.
And in these lulls, I feel terrible, my self talk is extremely negative, I’m susceptible to any comment that makes me feel unworthy and this throws me into a spiral of despair.
And then I’m like ‘where’s the money’? and “I’ll feel better once the money shows up”.
I spend more time worrying about the lack of money than I do focusing on the steps required to build the business.
And the more I learn about the law of attraction, the more I realize how I am the only reason money stops flowing to me.
My distracted and negative thoughts, and more importantly, my feelings of unworthiness and lack, are what turns the faucet off.
So here’s the big takeaway:
If you want more money to flow into your life, start by shifting your thoughts and feelings about it.
Money responds to love, not fear.
Pay attention to your money mindset throughout the day—when fear or scarcity creeps in, actively choose a new thought that feels better.
Start appreciating every dollar, big or small.
And most importantly, trust that money is always available to you when you align with it.