The ego mind: How we can train it for good
Today, we’re diving into something we’ve all heard about but might not fully understand: the ego mind.
All the cool kids are dropping it into conversation, but what actually is it, why does it matter for us as entrepreneurial women and more importantly, how can we use it to build our businesses and lives with more ease?
Do you have a constant flow of thoughts based on fear, lack, scarcity, or struggle? I used to as well (and sometimes still do)
For the longest time, I didn’t even know there was a term for it.
I didn’t know how to separate myself from my thoughts. In fact, I thought that constant mental chatter was just me.
You know what I mean right? That inner mean girl telling you you’re not good enough, smart enough, that you’ll never reach your goals…
She’s not YOU.
That’s the ego mind at work.
But here’s the twist: she’s not actually your enemy.
She’s more like an overprotective friend who’s just a little too concerned about keeping you safe. You know, the one who’s constantly saying, “Are you sure about this?” or “What if you fail?”
Today, I’m breaking it all down: what the ego mind is, why it acts the way it does, and — most importantly — how you can work with it instead of letting it hold you back.
Understanding the Ego Mind
Alright, so let’s start with the basics.
The ego mind gets a lot of airtime, but what is it really?
Well, psychologists and spiritual teachers have slightly different takes, but they’re surprisingly aligned in some big ways.
In psychology, your ego is like your internal GPS.
It’s the part of your mind that keeps you grounded in reality, helps you navigate life, and makes sure you don’t do anything too risky.
It’s like a safety net for your sense of self.
On the flip side, spiritual teachers like Eckhart Tolle see the ego as something that creates a sense of separation — making you believe you’re just this isolated person instead of part of something much bigger.
Tolle says, “The ego isn’t wrong; it’s just unconscious.”
And that’s the kicker: the ego’s not evil; it’s just not always operating from your higher self.
Here’s where it gets personal
for us business building mavens, those of us who are trying to forge a different path, the ego is both our biggest cheerleader and our biggest roadblock.
It’s the voice that says, “You’ve got this!” before a big pitch, but also the one that whispers, “What if you faceplant?”
It’s like having a hype squad and the nastiest mean girl all in one
When I was researching the ego mind, I was reminded of the reptilian brain, which senses fear and triggers fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.
While the reptilian brain operates instinctually to ensure survival, the ego mind works on a psychological level, often amplifying fears with thoughts of lack, struggle, or examples of our unworthiness, stories of when we’ve screwed up in the past, or of people who were mean to us when we tried something new, all in an effort to keep us within our comfort zones.
The magic happens when you learn to recognize which voice is speaking and why.
Is your ego protecting you from failure, or is it just afraid of stepping out of its comfort zone?
Alison J. Kay puts it beautifully: “When you transcend the ego, you’re not losing it. You’re just putting it in the backseat while your higher self takes the wheel.”
For me, I’ve noticed my ego playing up whenever I’m putting together a new webinar. I never used to notice it before. I’m sure it was still happening but I just wasn’t aware of it.
And no matter which way it pops up, it always boils down to fear of not being good enough.
How your ego influences your results
Let’s talk about the ways it might influence your thinking and your results.
Because your ego is trying to protect you but in doing so, it keeps you small.
Imposter Syndrome
Ever felt like you don’t belong in the room, even though you’ve earned your spot? That’s your ego whispering, “Who do you think you are?” It’s trying to protect you from rejection or criticism, but all it really does is fuel self-doubt. Deepak Chopra says, “The ego relies on the familiar. It is reluctant to experience the unknown, which is the very essence of life.”
Comparison Syndrome
Ever been stuck in a social media rabbit hole where you’re scrolling mindlessly and then start comparing your beginning to someone else’s highlight reel?
Your ego is shouting, “Look at her success! They’re so amazing and shiny and successful. Why would anyone care what I have to say?”
Truth bomb: their journey has nothing to do with yours.
Fear of Failure
This one’s a biggie. Your ego convinces you that failing means you’re a failure. And this will cut you off at the kneecaps.
But failure isn’t the end; it’s feedback.
Every successful entrepreneur will tell you that their biggest lessons came from their missteps.
Perfectionism
Ah, perfectionism — the ego in a fancy outfit.
It’s your ego saying, “If it’s not perfect, don’t bother.” This one will keep you stuck for ages, tinkering away in the background, trying to make things perfect instead of putting it out into the world and getting feedback.
No one hits it out of the gate on the first try. No one. So don’t let your ego mind talk you out of being curious enough to try something uncomfortable. Try, learn, try again.
I live by the mantra “done is better than perfect” (because if I didn’t, I’d never get anything done! But even still, when I was putting together my most recent masterclass, I overcomplicated it, over analyzed everything and so it took me a couple of additional weeks to get it done.
Practical Ego Management Strategies
Now that we’ve called out the traps, let’s talk about how to manage that ego so it works for you instead of against you.
Stillness
I’ll be honest—when I first learned that the highest expression of my vocation sphere in Human Design was stillness, I scoffed. It felt completely out of reach for me.
But let’s nerd out on Human Design for a second. The Vocation sphere reveals what you’re here to learn by transforming your deepest shadow into a gift for the world. For me, this is tied to Gate 52—the Gate of Stillness. It’s all about focusing your energy. The shadow is stress—feeling that constant pressure to do more. But the gift is restraint, knowing how to balance action with patience and trusting that everything has its own timing. At its highest, this energy embodies stillness, a space free from fear and stress, and a gateway to enlightenment.
Sounds lofty, right? But here’s the thing: since I’ve started embracing stillness, it’s been game-changing.
Every day, I set aside at least 10 minutes for stillness. I imagine balancing a glass of water on my third eye. Thoughts still come, but I let go of the chaos and focus on the calm of the still water.
At first, I used a timer, but now I just glance at the clock beforehand. I come out of it when it feels right, and it’s often longer than 10 minutes.
Here’s what’s shifted for me:
I’m getting better ideas.
I’m less reactive.
I’ve created a mental retreat—a safe space I can go to when I feel triggered, so I can respond calmly (most of the time).
When I wake up my brain isn’t immediately whirring
Whenever I do feel like I need to take action, I’m able to quickly bring myself to a place of calm and stillness first, and then only take action if it feels like the next best step (as opposed to in the past, where I’d take action out of fear.
But don’t just take my word for it.
Eckhart Tolle explains that the ego is that constant chatter in our minds, driven by fear, desire, and past experiences.
But by creating moments of stillness and being fully present, we can step back and become the "watcher" of our thoughts, rather than getting caught up in them.
When we observe our thoughts without judgment or attachment, we create space between who we truly are and the ego.
And when we’re fully present, we access our intuition and inner being, making us more creative and less reactive.
Pause and Observe
Next time you feel defensive, embarrassed, or overwhelmed, pause.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What’s really happening here?”
Nine times out of ten, your ego is reacting to an old story, not the present moment.
This is another benefit of my daily stillness practice. Whenever I start worrying about the future, or reliving a crappy event from the past, I’m able to bring myself into the present where I feel calm and in control.
Reframe Negative Self-Talk
When your ego starts up with all the reasons you’ll fail respond with, “I’m learning and growing.” Over time, you’ll retrain your inner dialogue to work for you.
Create a Brag Bank
Keep a list of every brave moment, every time you pushed through fear.
Every testimonial or review or message you’ve received from someone who is paying attention and getting value from what you do.
It’s like building a case file against your own doubts — a constant reminder of your strength and growth.
Alrighty, we’ve covered a lot today!
• We’ve unpacked the ego mind
• Explored how it can keep us small
• Found some simple ways to make it work for you instead of against you
Remember, the ego is not your enemy — it's just trying to keep you safe and in your comfort zone.
But if you’re trying to create something new, your comfort zone is not where you want to be!
With awareness and the right tools, you can separate yourself from the ego's grip and tap into your true power.
As the wonderful Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
The ego’s job is to keep you small and safe, but your higher self, your Inner Being, is calling you to step into your full potential.
So, start quieting the chatter, become the "watcher" of your thoughts, and move forward with the creativity, confidence, and courage that only come from being fully present and aligned with our true selves.
Now, go out there, manage that ego, and let your inner power lead the way.
Because the ego is a tricky little bugger and difficult to spot, you’re welcome to book a call with me so we can explore how working together will help you reach that next level of success without the added drama and setbacks.